Keep your chin(s) up.

Keep your chin(s) up.
Current mood: fat

The following post is a joke. It is only a joke, and all events, persons, places, and situations are purely fictional. Any resemblance to my life (or anyone else’s you poor bastards) is purely sad.

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I’m not sure, but I think a friend of mine recently tried to tell me that I was starting to pack on some pounds. I was going to try and clarify, but great bodily harm befell them before I could ask.

As my own little insurance policy, I decided to take action before it’s too late. Then I looked in the mirror, and decided to take action before it’s WAY too late. A simple diet and light exercise program should do the trick. I’ll be 30 soon, and want to make sure I’m going to make it ’till at least 35. Ah, but then the procrastination genes kicked in, and I decided that I’ll start when I’m 35, in the hopes of looking good when I’m 40.

But seriously, it should be pretty easy. Walk a few miles a day. Try to watch what I eat. I got off to a really good start today.

I found it very easy to skip breakfast. I wasn’t tempted by pop-tarts or sugary cereal in the least. All I had to do was sleep until noon, and I was ready for a light lunch. I’ve read you’re supposed to have several small meals when you’re dieting, but that just doesn’t fit into my schedule very well. I find, however, that if I cram the small meals into one larger meal, I can manage quite nicely.

So after work, we stopped at Quiznos, and got the biggest honking meat sandwich they have. You are supposed to eat a lot of meat according to that atkins guy, right? So I ordered double portion of meat on my sandwich. Sheesh, I think the guy might be a quack. I barely made it through the whole thing. I had to adjust my belt, but it was worth it. I figure that should count for at least four or five of those smaller meals.

After I took a nap to let that settle a bit, I did try to work up enough energy to walk a couple miles, but all I could manage was about 36 holes of golf. By the time I finished that, the battery in the xbox controller was almost dead, so I decided to take a nap while it recharged.

Dinner was a respectable lo-cal affair. A bag of microwave popcorn and a coke while I watched Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Popcorn is good for you, right? And I figured if I finish the whole bag, that should count as at least two more of those small meal thingies, so I’m up to my daily 8.

Not really any results for today. But hey, muscle weighs more than fat, and I didn’t gain it in a day, I won’t loose it in a day, right?

Hell, another couple weeks of this, and I’ll be able to fit into my aunt Chickie’s prom dress.

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